We're mostly strangers, so I don't think that's unusual. It's probably more typical for people who have just met and have no reason to trust each other to get along.
[The night before this all happened, Mio had been thinking it was unlikely the others would miss her much. She didn't spend as much time at their farm as some of the rest did... in fact, she'd been meaning to ask if she could spend the night at Jade Vine more often. But that didn't mean Mio didn't care for the people in the house... all of them, she thought, were just doing their best.]
I don't think I was here enough. I was going to bring breakfast back.
[Not that Erika has much in the way of distrust for those two in particular. They don't like her. She doesn't like them. But they seem roughly consistent.
She recalls Bibi cooking breakfast for her the one time. A small drop of envy in her rotten little heart.]
There's little I can offer by way of comfort. [She could say that Mio not being there as much - not being as entrenched in the dynamic - likely saved her life. She could also say she owed them nothing. But as much as Erika is a complete asshole, she's not socially incompetant. Neither of these facts would make Mio feel better. Which is... a priority? Weirdly enough?] But... I sincerely wish there was.
[Is it that she really looks pathetic in Erika's eyes? That there's no game or enjoyment in saying something cruel or mocking?
Mio feels as small and helpless as a hox in a den full of predators, so maybe she's the one who sees herself that way. From Erika... She doesn't get that sense at all.
Mio lowers her gaze, holding the crushed remains of several plants across her lap, their bent leaves and stalled buds kissing her bent knees.]
... Thank you. But you've just said it. I mean, you just tried, so... you should see that's worth something.
[It's so shallow. To say her intent, and have it be treated as if she managed it. Social interaction is built on a billion of these little fallacies. As the detective, she knows how to wield authority, even among those that don't particularly like her. She wouldn't be able to use the ability if it was backed only by her magic.
She looks away from Mio, suddenly finding it hard to look at her.
She feels nothing at all the death. She feels nothing at all the cruelty. In another life, she'd be standing by Makima's side and sneering as Beelzebub dies. But there's a sickness growing inside of her. Not boredom, like her master or her master's lover. Something far more poisonous, and she can't say she has no regrets anymore.]
...It'll mean more once I - we've dismantled this little game. [Another useless sentiment. But it's all she can offer. She is the detective. She unravels mysteries. There is nothing else about her of value.] You did well, for the record. In trial.
[She's let herself have faith in people here, not vacant, blind trust but hope that they all have something capable of reaching them in their darkest hour. Is she mad at what they've chosen? As hell. But it's not something that needs to be regretted.
Mio looks for things that be proven through actions. To give up and take refuge in trying even when all attempts haven't been exhausted yet galls her, but even then... Something like this, like being able to accept Erika's intentions, has meaning. Maybe the meaning is that Erika knew it wasn't possible and tried after all.]
I'm glad you think so. I've been trying to learn from you, after all. But don't worry; I'm not looking for an apprenticeship.
[She isn't terrible at getting a feel for people's behaviors or how they'll behave in some situations, but it would take her much longer than the few years she's had to really master the skill.]
Mm. [Erika looks down at her hands, dirty from all the digging she's had to do over the last two weeks, and she allows Mio's words to float in her mind.]
I don't think you could really do what I do, not in the long run. Being a detective takes a certain type of... character. [And not a very nice one. Someone like her. Someone heartless and cruel. Wasn't that the problem that Battler-san ran into so many times? His inability to distrust? His eagerness to set all the weapons down and be friends, like it was all just a big joke.
It was of course, it just so happened to be at their expense. And hers as well.]
I'm not sure I'd want to. [No offense, Erika, but Mio comes up with that answer expeditiously.] I don't know that I'd be very good at it, and I can't sit back that long without jumping into action.
[The more infinite patience required by detective work would also likely take Mio several lifetimes to cultivate.]
Does solving these murders make you...feel accomplished? [Something stops her from saying "happy."]
[No offense taken, Erika looks faintly amused by the swift refusal.
Accomplished... it's the wrong word for it. Erika can't help but smile at the question. Does a calculator feel accomplished solving a basic math problem? Does a lawn mower feel accomplished after tearing down a lawn of grass.
It's not accomplishment.]
I live to reveal the truth. It's the highest form of pleasure for me. [Pause.] But I wouldn't say "accomplished" is the right word.
[That still doesn't really sound like "happy." Mio stays quiet for a little while, turning Erika's last statement over and over in her mind.
Freeing the Colonies from their clocks gave them freedom none of them had ever known or understood before, but it came with its own dangers. She has to wonder, now, if everyone really wants freedom even once they know about it.]
Really? [It shouldn't surprise her; there are commanders like Alexandria out there who are so well ahead of their terms when it comes to what they've accomplished.]
Look at you, Commander. I guess I'm kinda shocked, though maybe I shouldn't be? You're good at pulling rank and leading a room.
If a detective can't lead a room, they're pretty useless. Being likeable comes a very distant second to being commanding when you're in my line of work. You need to be able to get testimonies from uncooperative and often grieving strangers.
[She shrugs.] I can actually also do charm, though. I didn't think it was necessary in this case.
[Still doesn't. Everyone else can tiptoe around the gory details of what they're here to do, but Erika's not inclined to play along.]
Can you, now? [Mio sounds curious rather than mocking; she's trying to imagine something her brain finds interesting but ultimately mysterious.]
I think I'd have liked to see you pull that off. [She doesn't feel very joyful, but the mental image summons a ghost of it. Erika's always seemed capable of pulling unbelievable things off, though not because of her massive ego. Do detectives often lie to get closer to others?
Mmhm. [Erika smirks. The bold confidence that she could have socially maneuvered her way into not only being acknowledged but genuinely liked. It wouldn't have done anything.]
Granted, most of the people I find myself with are rich socialites with tomes about how to properly perform in a social sphere. But the rules aren't as different as they'd have you believe. Nobody actually wants someone's social performance to be perfect.
[It really wouldn't have done anything, would it? Just thinking about what's transpired so far, Mio realizes that a charming personality wouldn't have made a difference when it came either to dealing with Makima and Adela or to the other people living here. They wouldn't listen to charm.]
I can't quite wrap my head around it. Having whole groups of people where you're expected to be yourself in a certain way... seems like more trouble than it's worth even if you can do it. Just sorta seems like not being yourself.
Oh, they never want you to be yourself. That's the fundamental rule of all social hierarchies. Be a palatable version, or an entirely fabricated persona, but never express your true self or tell the truth.
[People only really like her when she lies to them.]
It helps, of course, that people's "real selves" are more often than not hideously unpleasant. Including mine.
[It might sound rich coming from her when she'd found her initial impression of Erika so distasteful. Even Mio, who hopes their regular talks might have meant something, can't be completely convinced that the person taking the entire town by storm those first few days had been closer to the "true" Erika.]
I can't deny that people are always doing things for the sake of others, though. Whether it's someone's opinion, someone's orders, or someone's life... that's all the same, at least.
[Mio doesn't understand it, but Erika smiles, faintly amused at her phrasing. If she reflects on it, it's a bit more complicated than how she summarized it. But there's evidently nothing worth loving about her true nature, whether that be the sneering bully or the pitiful clingy manipulative little brat.]
We do things to be accepted by others so that we can live the lives we want to live for our own sakes. It's a fun paradox.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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We never did.
We barely like eachother, truth be told.
[This farm always seemed so... chummy, in comparison. That's what Beelzebub said, right? He was happy?
She can't understand these feelings anymore.]
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[The night before this all happened, Mio had been thinking it was unlikely the others would miss her much. She didn't spend as much time at their farm as some of the rest did... in fact, she'd been meaning to ask if she could spend the night at Jade Vine more often. But that didn't mean Mio didn't care for the people in the house... all of them, she thought, were just doing their best.]
I don't think I was here enough. I was going to bring breakfast back.
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[Not that Erika has much in the way of distrust for those two in particular. They don't like her. She doesn't like them. But they seem roughly consistent.
She recalls Bibi cooking breakfast for her the one time. A small drop of envy in her rotten little heart.]
There's little I can offer by way of comfort. [She could say that Mio not being there as much - not being as entrenched in the dynamic - likely saved her life. She could also say she owed them nothing. But as much as Erika is a complete asshole, she's not socially incompetant. Neither of these facts would make Mio feel better. Which is... a priority? Weirdly enough?] But... I sincerely wish there was.
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Mio feels as small and helpless as a hox in a den full of predators, so maybe she's the one who sees herself that way. From Erika... She doesn't get that sense at all.
Mio lowers her gaze, holding the crushed remains of several plants across her lap, their bent leaves and stalled buds kissing her bent knees.]
... Thank you. But you've just said it. I mean, you just tried, so... you should see that's worth something.
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She looks away from Mio, suddenly finding it hard to look at her.
She feels nothing at all the death. She feels nothing at all the cruelty. In another life, she'd be standing by Makima's side and sneering as Beelzebub dies. But there's a sickness growing inside of her. Not boredom, like her master or her master's lover. Something far more poisonous, and she can't say she has no regrets anymore.]
...It'll mean more once I - we've dismantled this little game. [Another useless sentiment. But it's all she can offer. She is the detective. She unravels mysteries. There is nothing else about her of value.] You did well, for the record. In trial.
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Mio looks for things that be proven through actions. To give up and take refuge in trying even when all attempts haven't been exhausted yet galls her, but even then... Something like this, like being able to accept Erika's intentions, has meaning. Maybe the meaning is that Erika knew it wasn't possible and tried after all.]
I'm glad you think so. I've been trying to learn from you, after all. But don't worry; I'm not looking for an apprenticeship.
[She isn't terrible at getting a feel for people's behaviors or how they'll behave in some situations, but it would take her much longer than the few years she's had to really master the skill.]
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I don't think you could really do what I do, not in the long run. Being a detective takes a certain type of... character. [And not a very nice one. Someone like her. Someone heartless and cruel. Wasn't that the problem that Battler-san ran into so many times? His inability to distrust? His eagerness to set all the weapons down and be friends, like it was all just a big joke.
It was of course, it just so happened to be at their expense. And hers as well.]
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[The more infinite patience required by detective work would also likely take Mio several lifetimes to cultivate.]
Does solving these murders make you...feel accomplished? [Something stops her from saying "happy."]
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Accomplished... it's the wrong word for it. Erika can't help but smile at the question. Does a calculator feel accomplished solving a basic math problem? Does a lawn mower feel accomplished after tearing down a lawn of grass.
It's not accomplishment.]
I live to reveal the truth. It's the highest form of pleasure for me. [Pause.] But I wouldn't say "accomplished" is the right word.
It's just what I am.
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Freeing the Colonies from their clocks gave them freedom none of them had ever known or understood before, but it came with its own dangers. She has to wonder, now, if everyone really wants freedom even once they know about it.]
You sound a lot like a soldier.
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[She thinks Dlanor is more of a soldier than she is, but it's an apt description, all things considered.]
I have lead armies before.
[Umineko is a story.]
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Really? [It shouldn't surprise her; there are commanders like Alexandria out there who are so well ahead of their terms when it comes to what they've accomplished.]
Look at you, Commander. I guess I'm kinda shocked, though maybe I shouldn't be? You're good at pulling rank and leading a room.
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[She shrugs.] I can actually also do charm, though. I didn't think it was necessary in this case.
[Still doesn't. Everyone else can tiptoe around the gory details of what they're here to do, but Erika's not inclined to play along.]
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I think I'd have liked to see you pull that off. [She doesn't feel very joyful, but the mental image summons a ghost of it. Erika's always seemed capable of pulling unbelievable things off, though not because of her massive ego. Do detectives often lie to get closer to others?
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Granted, most of the people I find myself with are rich socialites with tomes about how to properly perform in a social sphere. But the rules aren't as different as they'd have you believe. Nobody actually wants someone's social performance to be perfect.
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I can't quite wrap my head around it. Having whole groups of people where you're expected to be yourself in a certain way... seems like more trouble than it's worth even if you can do it. Just sorta seems like not being yourself.
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[People only really like her when she lies to them.]
It helps, of course, that people's "real selves" are more often than not hideously unpleasant. Including mine.
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[It might sound rich coming from her when she'd found her initial impression of Erika so distasteful. Even Mio, who hopes their regular talks might have meant something, can't be completely convinced that the person taking the entire town by storm those first few days had been closer to the "true" Erika.]
I can't deny that people are always doing things for the sake of others, though. Whether it's someone's opinion, someone's orders, or someone's life... that's all the same, at least.
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[Mio doesn't understand it, but Erika smiles, faintly amused at her phrasing. If she reflects on it, it's a bit more complicated than how she summarized it. But there's evidently nothing worth loving about her true nature, whether that be the sneering bully or the pitiful clingy manipulative little brat.]
We do things to be accepted by others so that we can live the lives we want to live for our own sakes. It's a fun paradox.