[Has she just been...snapped at? That does jerk her upright again, and Mio manages, at least this time, not to be staggered by the hurricane-force wind that is Erika's aggressive energy. The mottled flush of recent crying darkens her cheeks, but it's already starting to fade. She might've already wrung all the sadness she could out of her.]
Could've helped you look if you'd asked. This must have been keeping you busy for a while already.
[More just a cool gesture to show that she was done than specifically pointed her way, but she doesn't care either way.
The girl's been crying, huh. Memories? Or because Sora got what was coming to him? Weird.]
I'm not really taking replacement assistants. It seems to have a fifty percent fatality rate. [Not that Mio offered. No, Mio's not trying to win her trust by posing as a harmless incompetent goon like Sampo was. Her motivations seem to be more built around a stubborn fixation on proving a point.] It didn't take me that long, anyway.
Most of us have a 100% fatality rate, given enough time for it. [Mio's words are murmured a little too low to be only about detective's assistants. Not so above it all, all the time, is she? Even she can let the bitterness seize her now and then, faced with the infinite "forever" of life in this farming town.]
Has anything changed? I don't come here that often, but nothing seems out of sorts.
[It still might have been a distraction, but she's sure that Erika is already considering that angle. Even if nothing else has changed about the town itself, many of them were caught off guard today. If something were to be sneaked in without them noticing, it would have been much easier under those circumstances.]
Yeah, I have. [Mio makes no attempt at hiding it.] But I'm fine, really. I remembered something that hurt my heart grievously.
[She is not the right person to speak to about this. Not in the slightest.
Erika rips people's inner shames and agonies and forces them to the daylight, and she does it with the utmost delight. But... She can't do that here. Doesn't really want to, apart from the myriad of consequences that would bring down on her.
So instead.....]
It'd help if we could compare what memories were taken from us.
The memories I regained were similarly... unpleasant. [But complicated? They would be enough to drive most people into complete and utter despair, but Erika has never been most people.]
[If you aren't the right person, then why did you ASK, Erika?
But it's a good idea - reasonable, if harsh. Sometimes painful things are needed...as unfair as it seems, ignoring that fact is insensitive to everything that's fallen or been lost before. If all the memories lost and found again are harmful in some way, she can't only feel it's leading to something...and that its purpose may have a specific origin.]
Sure. I don't need to keep it to myself.
There was an accident at my last Colony. My off-seer partner forced me out ahead of her, sacrificing herself so I could escape. She trusted me with the life she gave up for my sake. [Mio's hands clench as if trying to hold something nonexistent, something small and invisible.] ...But the thing is, she shouldn't have. She should've survived because she had so much more time.
Before I remembered that, it was easier to think I could stand it if I spent the rest of my life here trying to find a different way out. Now...What if I'm wasting the life she gave for me?
[Because she's an uncaring asshole who wants to know everyone else's dirty laundry? Obviously?
Erika nods - weighs this in her mind. She's not... sympathetic to the reasoning per se. It's so utterly foreign and alien to her, that she can only peer at the other girl's pain as if it were through a petri dish, or a looking glass.
Time. Age. The finite nature of it all. These feelings no longer make any sense to her. Still, it reminds her a little bit of Ange. And everyone else's saccharine self serving sentimentality toward her.]
...Your off-seer partner? Can't say I'm familiar with the term.
It seems the intention there would be to guilt you into killing someone. Hm. [Eh, as far as motives go in her book. It's what she attributed to Dongrang.]
Special forces: musicians. We play for the dead. She gave me her flute, but it vanished when we arrived here. The thought that it might never be played again is a little unbearable.
[It feels like there should be more there to an off-seer's duty, but it slips away from Mio. Even if she wanted to pry into the gap, she can't; it's a slippery void that pushes away her attempts to look at it for too long.
It's difficult to reconcile. Feeling now that Miyabi's sacrifice really could turn out to be in vain only amplifies the antsy feeling Mio's had from the start.]
Still, I'm not going to let it force my hand into something I'd never forgive myself for, either. It's only strengthened my resolve. [And if she says that out loud, states her intentions directly like that, it lessens the hurt of it.]
[Of course she'd say that. Erika clicks her tongue. She doesn't trust it, not out of any emotional response to how Mio is feeling. Words are utterly meaningless when written in white. Only the red truth matters.
But of all the people Erika would bet on being the next to jump to murder - Mio wouldn't reach the top ten. Too... earnest. Even her motive for killing is so well intentioned.
She looks away from Mio - stares at the drinks on display at the salloon.]
I can't pretend to understand. But I'm inclined to believe you.
[She pauses, again.]
You'll remember one of our first conversations, where I mentioned I didn't have a choice in playing these games either.
I remembered the witch that made the choice for me, and turned me into a piece on her gameboard.
I do remember that. That's when I realized I'm probably going to have to put in some more effort if I ever want to understand you.
[Some people can't be understood; some people she doesn't want to put herself in a position to ever understand them. Erika hasn't nearly yet done enough to put herself into either category, though those first few meetings certainly came close.]
Is that your Master? Then again, maybe not. After all, your profile...
[The kind of things that she's describing, like having a choice made for her and being turned into a playing piece, don't sound like the actions of someone Mio herself could like.]
[It sends a... puzzling feeling through her system. If I ever want to understand you.
She's given up on ever properly understanding others. She can rip down their barriers, feast on their secrets like a cannibalistic vampire, and toss them up into the sunlight to be turned to ashes - but understanding... it's not truth. So why. What's the point.
Her lips thin and she lets out a breath that sounds just the slightest bit pained.]
...My master, yes.
She elevated me to become infinitely more than what I was. She shaped and influenced my life, making me what I am. How could I not fall for her?
[It's not like she has much of a choice about that either. There's moments where Erika allows herself to feel resentful. Hate, contempt, anger... fear. But she'll still want her even more no matter how she's treated.]
The fact that I don't have a choice doesn't mean that I have any regrets. There was nothing left for me before this. [Her voice is even, hard. Informative. But there's an edge of something beneath it.] At least with Bernkastel I always know where I stand.
[That doesn't exactly sound healthy, even to Mio. Most kinds of relationships are still loosely defined in her mind, even with distance and the time to begin picking them apart in her mind.
What she does catch is the tint of pain in Erika's breathing. Even at a distance, Mio can feel the metallic tension, the rods of it that seem to be keeping Erika upright in some regards.]
So she's all you know. Something of an anchor... But still. Did putting you in a position where you have no choice mean she ever had your best interests at heart, or were you just glad to have someone who was able to hand you a purpose?
[There wouldn't be anything wrong with that, either.]
[She shakes her head. If she were in a better mood, she might chuckle at the assumption, but... Instead all Erika does is sigh.]
My best interests were never a concern for her. I'm under no illusion about that. She never lied about it. Which puts her above most humans in the world. She rewarded me greatly when I succeeded, punished me severely when I failed. It's a simple dynamic.
[Never mind all the thousands of ways she was rigged to fail. Never mind that her rewards were dangled in front of her like a carrot on a stick to keep her chasing. She's... aware of that. That she was being used. Manipulated. Toyed with. But she won't say it out loud.]
But yes. She gave me purpose. Something to live for, and the power to enact her will. It's a lot more than I've ever gotten from anyone who ever claimed to love me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[She snaps her fingers. There was nothing in particular that caught her attention.]
I was just verifying that nothing about the starting locations had changed. All done now.
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Could've helped you look if you'd asked. This must have been keeping you busy for a while already.
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The girl's been crying, huh. Memories? Or because Sora got what was coming to him? Weird.]
I'm not really taking replacement assistants. It seems to have a fifty percent fatality rate. [Not that Mio offered. No, Mio's not trying to win her trust by posing as a harmless incompetent goon like Sampo was. Her motivations seem to be more built around a stubborn fixation on proving a point.] It didn't take me that long, anyway.
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Has anything changed? I don't come here that often, but nothing seems out of sorts.
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[Her old partner didn't die. Even when Erika killed her with giant cannons. She glances toward Mio. Something's up with her.]
No changes. As expected. I wanted to see if the tower was a distraction.
[A pause.]
You've been crying.
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Yeah, I have. [Mio makes no attempt at hiding it.] But I'm fine, really. I remembered something that hurt my heart grievously.
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Erika rips people's inner shames and agonies and forces them to the daylight, and she does it with the utmost delight. But... She can't do that here. Doesn't really want to, apart from the myriad of consequences that would bring down on her.
So instead.....]
It'd help if we could compare what memories were taken from us.
The memories I regained were similarly... unpleasant. [But complicated? They would be enough to drive most people into complete and utter despair, but Erika has never been most people.]
minor spoilers?
But it's a good idea - reasonable, if harsh. Sometimes painful things are needed...as unfair as it seems, ignoring that fact is insensitive to everything that's fallen or been lost before. If all the memories lost and found again are harmful in some way, she can't only feel it's leading to something...and that its purpose may have a specific origin.]
Sure. I don't need to keep it to myself.
There was an accident at my last Colony. My off-seer partner forced me out ahead of her, sacrificing herself so I could escape. She trusted me with the life she gave up for my sake. [Mio's hands clench as if trying to hold something nonexistent, something small and invisible.] ...But the thing is, she shouldn't have. She should've survived because she had so much more time.
Before I remembered that, it was easier to think I could stand it if I spent the rest of my life here trying to find a different way out. Now...What if I'm wasting the life she gave for me?
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Erika nods - weighs this in her mind. She's not... sympathetic to the reasoning per se. It's so utterly foreign and alien to her, that she can only peer at the other girl's pain as if it were through a petri dish, or a looking glass.
Time. Age. The finite nature of it all. These feelings no longer make any sense to her. Still, it reminds her a little bit of Ange. And everyone else's saccharine self serving sentimentality toward her.]
...Your off-seer partner? Can't say I'm familiar with the term.
It seems the intention there would be to guilt you into killing someone. Hm. [Eh, as far as motives go in her book. It's what she attributed to Dongrang.]
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[It feels like there should be more there to an off-seer's duty, but it slips away from Mio. Even if she wanted to pry into the gap, she can't; it's a slippery void that pushes away her attempts to look at it for too long.
It's difficult to reconcile. Feeling now that Miyabi's sacrifice really could turn out to be in vain only amplifies the antsy feeling Mio's had from the start.]
Still, I'm not going to let it force my hand into something I'd never forgive myself for, either. It's only strengthened my resolve. [And if she says that out loud, states her intentions directly like that, it lessens the hurt of it.]
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But of all the people Erika would bet on being the next to jump to murder - Mio wouldn't reach the top ten. Too... earnest. Even her motive for killing is so well intentioned.
She looks away from Mio - stares at the drinks on display at the salloon.]
I can't pretend to understand. But I'm inclined to believe you.
[She pauses, again.]
You'll remember one of our first conversations, where I mentioned I didn't have a choice in playing these games either.
I remembered the witch that made the choice for me, and turned me into a piece on her gameboard.
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[Some people can't be understood; some people she doesn't want to put herself in a position to ever understand them. Erika hasn't nearly yet done enough to put herself into either category, though those first few meetings certainly came close.]
Is that your Master? Then again, maybe not. After all, your profile...
[The kind of things that she's describing, like having a choice made for her and being turned into a playing piece, don't sound like the actions of someone Mio herself could like.]
cw for uhhhhh abusive relationships
She's given up on ever properly understanding others. She can rip down their barriers, feast on their secrets like a cannibalistic vampire, and toss them up into the sunlight to be turned to ashes - but understanding... it's not truth. So why. What's the point.
Her lips thin and she lets out a breath that sounds just the slightest bit pained.]
...My master, yes.
She elevated me to become infinitely more than what I was. She shaped and influenced my life, making me what I am. How could I not fall for her?
[It's not like she has much of a choice about that either. There's moments where Erika allows herself to feel resentful. Hate, contempt, anger... fear. But she'll still want her even more no matter how she's treated.]
The fact that I don't have a choice doesn't mean that I have any regrets. There was nothing left for me before this. [Her voice is even, hard. Informative. But there's an edge of something beneath it.] At least with Bernkastel I always know where I stand.
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What she does catch is the tint of pain in Erika's breathing. Even at a distance, Mio can feel the metallic tension, the rods of it that seem to be keeping Erika upright in some regards.]
So she's all you know. Something of an anchor... But still. Did putting you in a position where you have no choice mean she ever had your best interests at heart, or were you just glad to have someone who was able to hand you a purpose?
[There wouldn't be anything wrong with that, either.]
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My best interests were never a concern for her. I'm under no illusion about that. She never lied about it. Which puts her above most humans in the world. She rewarded me greatly when I succeeded, punished me severely when I failed. It's a simple dynamic.
[Never mind all the thousands of ways she was rigged to fail. Never mind that her rewards were dangled in front of her like a carrot on a stick to keep her chasing. She's... aware of that. That she was being used. Manipulated. Toyed with. But she won't say it out loud.]
But yes. She gave me purpose. Something to live for, and the power to enact her will. It's a lot more than I've ever gotten from anyone who ever claimed to love me.