I do remember that. That's when I realized I'm probably going to have to put in some more effort if I ever want to understand you.
[Some people can't be understood; some people she doesn't want to put herself in a position to ever understand them. Erika hasn't nearly yet done enough to put herself into either category, though those first few meetings certainly came close.]
Is that your Master? Then again, maybe not. After all, your profile...
[The kind of things that she's describing, like having a choice made for her and being turned into a playing piece, don't sound like the actions of someone Mio herself could like.]
[It sends a... puzzling feeling through her system. If I ever want to understand you.
She's given up on ever properly understanding others. She can rip down their barriers, feast on their secrets like a cannibalistic vampire, and toss them up into the sunlight to be turned to ashes - but understanding... it's not truth. So why. What's the point.
Her lips thin and she lets out a breath that sounds just the slightest bit pained.]
...My master, yes.
She elevated me to become infinitely more than what I was. She shaped and influenced my life, making me what I am. How could I not fall for her?
[It's not like she has much of a choice about that either. There's moments where Erika allows herself to feel resentful. Hate, contempt, anger... fear. But she'll still want her even more no matter how she's treated.]
The fact that I don't have a choice doesn't mean that I have any regrets. There was nothing left for me before this. [Her voice is even, hard. Informative. But there's an edge of something beneath it.] At least with Bernkastel I always know where I stand.
[That doesn't exactly sound healthy, even to Mio. Most kinds of relationships are still loosely defined in her mind, even with distance and the time to begin picking them apart in her mind.
What she does catch is the tint of pain in Erika's breathing. Even at a distance, Mio can feel the metallic tension, the rods of it that seem to be keeping Erika upright in some regards.]
So she's all you know. Something of an anchor... But still. Did putting you in a position where you have no choice mean she ever had your best interests at heart, or were you just glad to have someone who was able to hand you a purpose?
[There wouldn't be anything wrong with that, either.]
[She shakes her head. If she were in a better mood, she might chuckle at the assumption, but... Instead all Erika does is sigh.]
My best interests were never a concern for her. I'm under no illusion about that. She never lied about it. Which puts her above most humans in the world. She rewarded me greatly when I succeeded, punished me severely when I failed. It's a simple dynamic.
[Never mind all the thousands of ways she was rigged to fail. Never mind that her rewards were dangled in front of her like a carrot on a stick to keep her chasing. She's... aware of that. That she was being used. Manipulated. Toyed with. But she won't say it out loud.]
But yes. She gave me purpose. Something to live for, and the power to enact her will. It's a lot more than I've ever gotten from anyone who ever claimed to love me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[Some people can't be understood; some people she doesn't want to put herself in a position to ever understand them. Erika hasn't nearly yet done enough to put herself into either category, though those first few meetings certainly came close.]
Is that your Master? Then again, maybe not. After all, your profile...
[The kind of things that she's describing, like having a choice made for her and being turned into a playing piece, don't sound like the actions of someone Mio herself could like.]
cw for uhhhhh abusive relationships
She's given up on ever properly understanding others. She can rip down their barriers, feast on their secrets like a cannibalistic vampire, and toss them up into the sunlight to be turned to ashes - but understanding... it's not truth. So why. What's the point.
Her lips thin and she lets out a breath that sounds just the slightest bit pained.]
...My master, yes.
She elevated me to become infinitely more than what I was. She shaped and influenced my life, making me what I am. How could I not fall for her?
[It's not like she has much of a choice about that either. There's moments where Erika allows herself to feel resentful. Hate, contempt, anger... fear. But she'll still want her even more no matter how she's treated.]
The fact that I don't have a choice doesn't mean that I have any regrets. There was nothing left for me before this. [Her voice is even, hard. Informative. But there's an edge of something beneath it.] At least with Bernkastel I always know where I stand.
no subject
What she does catch is the tint of pain in Erika's breathing. Even at a distance, Mio can feel the metallic tension, the rods of it that seem to be keeping Erika upright in some regards.]
So she's all you know. Something of an anchor... But still. Did putting you in a position where you have no choice mean she ever had your best interests at heart, or were you just glad to have someone who was able to hand you a purpose?
[There wouldn't be anything wrong with that, either.]
no subject
My best interests were never a concern for her. I'm under no illusion about that. She never lied about it. Which puts her above most humans in the world. She rewarded me greatly when I succeeded, punished me severely when I failed. It's a simple dynamic.
[Never mind all the thousands of ways she was rigged to fail. Never mind that her rewards were dangled in front of her like a carrot on a stick to keep her chasing. She's... aware of that. That she was being used. Manipulated. Toyed with. But she won't say it out loud.]
But yes. She gave me purpose. Something to live for, and the power to enact her will. It's a lot more than I've ever gotten from anyone who ever claimed to love me.